Ooooo! Pretty...

I am so beyond excited!

Dad painted the family room. I picked this fun, warm red. The room looks completely different, and I LOVE IT! He did a fantastic job. I also found pretty paisley curtain panels for $9.99 each for the family room windows, and they complete the look of the room.

Mom finished the curtains, and Dad and she hung them in the guest room on Sunday. They are so lovely. I can't wait to add the art work in the room, as well as get a day bed and desk in there.


Next, I will buy the paint for the other guest room. Friends are coming over Friday morning to put the magic mover things underneath some heavy furniture and move it to the center of the room so the room can be painted.

Summer Television Guilty Pleasures

Season 5 of Project Runway is underway, and I have to say at first, ick. Wasn't happy. Wasn't impressed. This week changed my mind.

One of the designers, Leanne, was in the bottom two last week. This week - my personal opinion - she should have won the challenge. I would venture to say the judges tossed a coin to pick the winner. The skirt she created for her challenge was extraordinary. I would buy it tomorrow.

The winner, Kenley, designed something out of my 1980s closet, but there was something whimsical about it (see the picture below Leanne's design). So, while I don't blame the judges for picking it, the workmanship on Leanne's skirt - the scalloping - was just exquisite.

What I love about Project Runway is that it's like looking at living art. It's just amazing the talent they find each year. I'm getting over my gripe that some of these folks have been doing this for quite some time.

What makes me nuts this season: Suede. Suede is one of the designers, and don't get me wrong - he's got talent. But...

He talks about himself in the third person. As in "Suede likes what Suede did. Suede thinks Suede rocked this challenge out. Suede likes his model and Suede would never give her up."

Cheryl wants to throttle Suede. That's all Cheryl is saying.

My other guilty pleasure: Wipeout. Wipeout is a game show where people try to conquer ridiculous obstacle courses for $50,000. It's not so much what they do - it's what the commentators say about their efforts. I was at the gym last week when it was on, and I damn near fell off the treadmill laughing. One of the contestants was 19, weighed about 90 pounds, and was a self-proclaimed geek. He rocked the qualifying round. The commentator said it wasn't bad...for his first time outside. These guys KILL me! Love it. This game, while completely juvenile (the commentators talk about the 'big red balls' obstacle course with great glee), is a riot!

I totally dig game shows. Not so much reality shows (even though I do watch Project Runway), but I love a good game show. I find myself rooting for all the contestants, because they really put themselves out there. Good for them. I might need to add "Participating in a Game Show" to my goals!

The Mayor of the DMV

On Tuesday, I had to go to the DMV to get my name change card. I can't remember the last time I've gone to the DMV for anything other than getting my driver's license photo taken.

I will say the people at the DMV could not have been nicer. All two of them.

Now, ask me how many people were waiting in line? Go ahead. Ask.

There were about 40 people when I arrived. Oh, and the building is about the size of a small happy meal box, and the line of people was wrapped around the building. Oh, and it was over 90 degrees outside. And there was no place to stand in the shade.

Oh, and it's the DMV, which means it's Wacko Central. Which means it's a beacon for my weirdo magnetism. The guy in front of me went into great detail about how his blood pressure was 117/172 (so I'm not sure how he's still alive), and how he got into a horrible car accident earlier in the year - which was a terrible shame. But, then, to add to the story - he had show 'n tell. Apparently the accident knocked out all his teeth, because he demonstrated to the woman in the unfortunate position of being directly behind him in line how he could drop out his top and bottom dentures. Blamo. One set of teeth drops, and then the other. Ta-da!

Ewwwwwwwww.

In addition, he was trying to make friends with everyone in line. Let me be clear: it was 90+ degrees, and it took me a total of two hours to get a name change card. I was in no mood for this guy. I managed to avoid eye contact. He did try to inform me how to do what I needed to get done - as with all the other people in the crowd. I later figured out why he was being so friendly with everyone: He needed a lift. He kept saying how he wasn't sure how he was going to get to the next town. The woman directly behind him started to give him directions, and he said, "Oh, I know how to get there. I just don't know how I'm going to get there. I hitchhiked here, and I need to hitchhike there." The guy in front of him subtlely moved as far away as he possibly could. Oy.

The woman in back of me was about the size of a Hobbit. She was just as interesting - and twice as annoying. Did I mention the heat? Well, she thought the best place to stand was right next to me. And I mean right. next. to. me. Grrr.

At one point, we were right outside the door, and the couple in front of me was kind enough to open the door so that we could get some air.

This is what happened next:
Hobbit: "Scuze meeeeeeeeee. Shut ze dooooor. Shut ze doooooooor. Hello? Scuze meeee."
Me: "Lady, we're getting air!"
Hobbit: "No, ju dun't understaaand. If dey leave ze door open, we will have no air for oos when we get in dere. Shut ze doooooor. (Repeat Shut ze doooor about 50 times.)"

I finally crawl inside, with the Hobbit attached to me.

Then:
Hobbit: "Ooo. I dun't know if I am in ze riiight line."
Me: "What are you here for?" (Obviously there were two meanings to my question...)
Hobbit: "My license expired."
Me: "You're in the right line."
Hobbit: "Are ju shure?"
Me: death glare

Then:
Hobbit: "Hey. Heeeey. Do ju know who I make ze check out to?"
Me: death glare "No, I don't."
Hobbit: "Ooooh. Cuz I dun't know who to make ze check out toooo. Ooohhh." whining ensues
Me: Ignores Hobbit for rest of the time in line.

I don't know how it happened, but I became the information center for the Hobbit. It was too darn hot for this much concentrated weirdo magnetism.

The good news is I have a new story for the book I'm writing. The better news is that I am one step closer to making my name change public. Woo-hoo!

Random Weekend Musings...

• The Stair Master is still evil. But, manageable. I was able to grunt, heave and stumble through a 15-minute session on the automated machine at my gym.
• One. Frakin. LB. I am so close to 30lbs of weight loss, I can taste it. Unfortunately, it didn't taste quite as good as the Dairy Queen chocolate milk shake I had Saturday night. Hence relegating myself to said evil Stair Master on Sunday.
• Viggo Mortensen is hot. And a total badass. I watched Eastern Promises on Saturday night. Not only is he a good actor, but he is ripped. There is not one ounce of fat on the man's body. Everyone who has seen this movie knows the scene I am referencing.
• Mosquitoes suck. Literally and figuratively. I've been bitten twice this weekend. Bugs are really beginning to ruin my sense of calm.

The Stair Master is Evil

During this time in my life, I needed a healthy distraction. I rediscovered the gym, primarily the treadmill.

About three weeks ago, I hit a weight-loss plateau. My friend suggested I try a different machine. I think they call it muscle confusion.

So, I tried the StairMaster. Once. The Stair Master, after two minutes, kicked my butt. I sent a text message to my friend informing him switching up the exercise routine SUCKED.

I loathe that machine.

However, if I expect to continue to break the plateau, I must return to it.

Here's the thing I don't get. The machine emulates walking up stairs. I walk up stairs all the time. I don't hate normal stairs! Seriously - not digging the Stair Master. It's evil. Evil!

Oh, and the eliptical machine is no treat, either.

Can you tell I'm cranky?

Funniest Man on the Planet (or on E!)

I can't get enough of Joel McHale, the host of The Soup on E!

The guy is a frakin' riot. I remember John Henson, the original host from Talk Soup, and that show was funny. But Joel - Joel is pure evil. And really enjoys his role being completely devilish.

If you need a good laugh, this is the show. Just watch this collection of clips from the show:

Room, Interrupted

My poor Dad. He's immersed in making the house my sort of beautiful. I wonder if all the 'pretty' stuff is making him nuts.

I found this beautiful blue-violet color to paint one of the guest bedrooms. It's called Aphrodite. It's the first time ever I've had a wall in the house that isn't painted white. Sure, the living room has a stenciled chair rail, but the primary wall color is white. And now - I have a room that is this magnificent shade of blue. Dad has put up a few strokes of the color, and I already find the room tranquil, warm and friendly. A place you'd want to stay for a while!

In addition, Mom has offered to sew curtains for the room. I found a very pretty fabric. It was on sale to boot! It reminds me of a print I saw on the cover of a Pottery Barn catalog. While the background is a pale shade of lime, there are vibrant colors - blues, violets, reds, greens - that are going to make the window pop.

It's going to be such a transformation from the room that housed all of my husband's computer equipment. It was all white and metal.

Pretty soon it will pop with color and light and texture.

I'll be honest. I wish my soon to be ex could see this room. I really think he would have liked it, despite the floral curtains that are about to cover the windows. In a way, it's such a surreal thing. That was always his room. His office. His.

Now it's mine. When it's done hopefully it will feel like mine. Right now, I feel like I'm walking into a hotel room renovation and admiring what's being done to the place. I'm not even sure what that room will become. Perhaps it will be a home office. Or maybe a guest room. Or maybe a combination home office and gym.

In any case, it will be the first room that welcomes me home. That's such a great feeling.

I. Can't. Breathe.

*snort laughing*

Yes, admittedly - these 'motivational posters' are unkind. But, you've got to appreciate the bravery. Viva la difference!

Cooking Again!

Sunday, my parents came over for dinner. I cooked a real meal. Not a Healthy Choice in the plastic bowl meal. A real, honest-to-goodness meal.

I could not even look at another piece of chicken, and red meat would not be kind to my stomach, so I went searching for the recipe for the other white meat - pork.

A while ago, someone recommended to me I purchase a cookbook from this place in Rochester, NY called the Dinosaur Bar-B-Que. The recipes in this book are simply amazing, and for mere mortals like me, easy to follow.

The following is the meal I made for my parents. It is from the cookbook called Dinosaur Bar B Que: An American Roadhouse. I used two substitutions, mostly out of necessity. The sauce, by the way, is so delicious, I believe it could be used for to snazzy up chicken breasts, too.

Apple-Maple Roasted Pork Loin

Ingredients

The Pork
1 pork loin with the rib bones attached, 3 1/2 to 4 pounds (I had to get a pork loin without the rib bones - my local store said they don't do the cut until the holidays)

The Rub
1 tablespoon kosher salt
1 tablespoon brown sugar
1 tablespoon freshly cracked black pepper
Pinch of cayenne pepper
3 tablespoons olive oil

The Sauce (this is wonderful)
1/4 cup butter
1 tablespoon minced garlic
1 jalapeno pepper, seeded and minced
Pinch each of kosher salt and black pepper
1 pound McIntosh apples, peeled, cored, and diced
3/4 cup pure maple syrup
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/8 teaspoon ground allspice
3/4 cup Mutha Sauce (I didn't have the time to make this, so I used 3/4 cup of A1's Chicago Steakhouse Marinade)
1/4 cup water

The Garnish
3 tablespoons sliced scallion (I didn't use this)

Directions

Preheat the oven to 500 degrees F. Get the butcher to cut the chine bone from the roast for easy carving later. Mix up all the ingredients for the rub, and massage it all over the roast. Place the roast, rib side down, in a roasting pan and pop it in the oven. Cook for 30 to 40 minutes to caramelize the outside, then lower the heat to 350 degrees F and continue roasting slowly for another 25 - 30 minutes, til the internal temperature registers 150 degrees F.

Throw together the sauce while the pork is roasting. Melt the butter in a saucepan. Toss in the garlic and jalapenos with a pinch of salt and pepper, cooking til soft. Dump in the apples and give then a stir. Cook til soft but not mushy, 8 - 10 minutes. Add the maple syrup, cinnamon, allspice, Mutha Sauce (or in my case A1), and water, and simmer gently for 15 minutes. Keep warm.

Take the roast out of the oven and let it rest for 15 minutes. Slice the meat between the ribs into chops. Pour any meat juices that ooze out while carving into the sauce and stir it up a bit. Ladle some sauce onto each chop and sprinkle with scallions. Serve 'em up and pass the remaining sauce at the table. Feeds 6.

I'm Thinking Disney

So, where do you go when your marriage will begin its end in approximately 13 days?

Disney World!

In the Fall, I will be heading to Disney World for the first time without my husband. I should be sad about it. But, I'm excited. I'm excited because two of my dear friends from college will be going with me, one of whom has never been to Disney - or to Florida for that matter.

There is nothing in the world, to me, as exciting as seeing Disney through someone who has never been there before. It's pure joy. I can't wait to see her face when she sees Cinderella's castle for the first time, or when she sees Mickey. I can't wait for my other friend to see the 'new' Disney World, as she hasn't been there since she was in the eighth grade.

I wish others could go with us this time around, too. But, it's not always easy to just escape. I'm one of the lucky ones.

My Food Cheat Week

My aunt and uncle sent me a card a while back for my birthday. On the front, there was a happy-looking cupcake with a face made of candy. The tagline was:

"Life is so much better with a sugar buzz on."

No truer words have ever been recorded, especially this week for me.

Since March, I've been on the 'Diet-Divorce-Exercise' program, and have remained relatively consistent on eating healthy. Then the Fourth of July hit, and the above-mentioned aunt made this killer chocolate chip cake. Since there's no shame in my game any more, I ate two pieces, and they were gooooood. But, I did exercise that morning. I rely heavily on the concept of the 36-hour afterburn of calories that supposedly takes place. It's my nice little piece of denial heaven I visit regularly.

Don't judge me, dammit!

The next day, I attended a graduation party for my friend's daughter. And guess what? There was cake there, too. I had a sliver. It was chocolate chip cake, too. It was goooooooood.

Sunday, I had a hankering for something called Buffalo Chicken Dip. This concoction is just pure heaven, if eaten in moderation. If. Did I eat it in moderation? Noooooooooooo. And I paid for it - big time on Monday. All day. And yet, still went to the gym.

Tuesday, I was good with the food, bad with the no exercise.

Wednesday, I broke down again food-wise, went to the store and fed my candy Swedish fish and Heartland Cheddar veggie chips addictions and purchased both, and proceeded to eat both - for dinner.

Today, I swore to myself I would be good. Of course, that's before I remembered I was meeting a friend at P.F. Chang's today. I had soup, a appetizer-sized portion for lunch and had a dessert shot (it's a dessert they smush into a shot glass) they said was based on s'mores. I think they achieved sugar nirvana with that thing!

But, I did go to the gym! A-ha!

Despite all of this, I have managed to maintain my current weight loss of 26.5 pounds, which was no small feat on the DDE regimen. But I feel so much better, because life is so much better with a smile on!

Fitting into the New Old Name...

I reclaimed my maiden name. My friends have been saying things like "that's so great you've gone back to it! Good for you!" I'm not sure how I feel about it.

How do I explain this?

It’s like rediscovering your skinny jeans in the back of your closet, putting them on, and determining if they fit again. That’s how I feel. I feel like I put my maiden name in the back of the proverbial closet, thinking I’d never wear the name again, because I was a happily married ‘married last name’. Then, when this happened, ‘married last name’ became a series of scarlet letters emblazoned on everything.

It would be different if I had children. It would have been a no-brainer, actually, for me. But, since we didn't have any, I changed my name. Or reclaimed it. Or embraced it. Or whatever.

While I haven’t had the name in such a long time, it’s wonderful and uncomfortable all at once that I have an option other than my married name.

Is that weird? To me, it’s weird. Wonderful, but weird. Because, my maiden name fits...I'm just not quite comfortable with it being comfortable.

100 Goals in 100 Weeks

Perhaps you've seen him on television or heard something about the guy that sold his life. I kind of admire Ian Usher. Not only did he pick himself up after having his heart broken, but he allowed himself a do-over. How cool is that?

His original website, ALife4Sale, highlighted his belongings, life, work and friends - all so he could sell his life on eBay, walk out of his house, and start new.

As of June 29th, he's sold his house and furnishings, car, etc. Now what? He decided to set 100 goals for himself.

Check out his new site.

If you had the opportunity for a life do-over, what goals would you set for yourself? I've been thinking about that a lot lately.

Here's my list:

• Reconnect to the world. I don't know where I went, but I'm ready to return. I want to start inviting family and friends over for things like dinner and movie night and margarita night.
• Forgive myself. In this process, I've beaten the hell out of myself. I need to say 'enough.' Time to move forward. Not as easy as it looks...
• Figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I know what I can do. Now I need to figure out what I want to do, and how to do it with some sense of job security.
• Lose the weight, Tubby. Yeah, yeah. I know. Typical chick thing to say. But, while I really love my curves, my curves have had some lumps in between over the past few years. One of the by-products of the divorce process has been weight loss. I want to keep it up, and lose 40 pounds by the end of the year.
• Go to the gym. See the above goal...
• Write a book. Again this won't be a bitter broad story. I have a unique talent. Let's just say I'm a weirdo-whisperer. I don't mean 'weirdo' in a cruel way. I just find it fascinating that complete strangers will walk up to me and just start telling me stuff about their lives. It's never a dull moment, and I love every minute of it. But, before I start forgetting the stories, I want to write them down and share with all of the other weirdo-whisperers out there that they are not alone!
• Go to Paris. Again. For the first time ever, I got to go to Paris this year. So, in the midst of the divorce nightmare, I went with my sister-in-law and got to see Versailles, the Eiffel Tower, Disneyland Paris, Notre Dame, and stroll down the Champs d'Elysees. I want to go again and make sure the experience really sinks in. Contrary to popular belief, the Parisians could not have been nicer. I can't wait to go back!
• Bahston is Wicked-Haad Core. I've got to make up for lost time and make some trips to Boston to see my friends from college. I've made a point of seeing them once a year. I hope to do more visits.
• Make the house my own. There will be color on the walls. None of them white.
• Splurge and Purge. Ok, I will freely admit one of my favorite hobbies is to shop. I totally dig it. It's a complete rush. I get the greatest pleasure from buying other people gifts. I've decided that, as I purge the things I don't need, I'm going to buy myself gifts. For everything I purge, I will splurge. Now - does this mean I'm going to break the bank? No. It just means if I see a shirt and think it will look good on me, I'm buying it. So there.
• Vegas, Baby! Never been there, but it looks like a lot of fun!
• What's the rest of Europe like? I need to, before I die, see Italy, Scotland, England, Ireland, Portugal, Spain, and anything else that peaks my interest.
• Go to a NFL game. In all my years in Philly - the greatest football town in America! - I have not been to a game at the Vet or the Linc. Ever. What's up with that?
• Meet Oprah. Why not, right?
• Go skydiving. Anyone who knows me knows I am snort-laughing in my chair right now. It just seems better than saying getting some sleep...