Thank Goodness! I Thought The B*tch Would Never Leave...

Yeah, the title's a little harsh, but I'm talking about all of womankind's least favorite relative: Auntie Flow.

While I appreciate her monthly visits, lemme tell you what. She came with house guests this month: Uncle Cranky, Cousin Panic Attack, and her kid Eat Everything In Sight.

Uncle Cranky was pretty fierce this month. I grumbled about everything - my work, my house, my laundry, my job, other people's jobs, and other people's lives. Uncle Cranky also comes with permanently furrowed brow. I seriously consider Botox when I look in the mirror and see my brow lines emblazoned in my forehead. Then I think what Botox is made of - ahem, botulism (ew) - and I'm perfectly happy with permanently furrowed brow, which I'm now referring to as my character lines.

So Uncle Cranky can suck it...

Cousin Panic Attack hit me last night, and was kind enough to bring intensive chest pains and uncontrollable tears for no apparent reason. She knows how much I enjoy uncontrollable tears during PMS so she brought extra. Luckily for me, manfriend has lovely arms and great bear hugs to squeeze all the rest of the tears out of me.

Finally, my favorite Auntie Flow relative, Eat Everything In Sight, did not disappoint. I think I scared the manfriend this week as I chomped down on things like pancakes the size of our heads, practically swallowed whole a Tasty Kakes Junior in about two minutes, and menacingly slurped my Egg Drop Soup from PF Chang's in his presence.

I have no shame in my game, so I'll just say it: I love Eat Everything In Sight, the fattening bastard.

What I learned this month: I was at my worst these past two weeks (I count in PMS time - I would have to be locked up if my menstrual cycle lasted for two weeks) and it was okay. It's okay to have days like this. It's okay to be sad, angry, bloated, panicked, scared, cranky, miserable and blubbery.

And now that I've said it's okay to be sad, angry, bloated, panicked, scared, cranky, miserable and blubbery, all of these have to leave with Auntie Flow and her entourage.

Go away. Now. Buh-bye. Even Eat Everything In Sight. Pack your things. Get!