Angry

Today was a tough day. I behaved in a way un-befitting a professional, and I am pissed off at myself. Worse yet, I was angry, and I did the one thing one should not do in an office setting: I cried.

Granted, they were angry tears, but they were tears nonetheless. In my field, there's no crying. There's no crying in I.T., and yet there I was. Pissed off. Angry. Tears flowing. Eyes beet red and swollen. Pissed off, and no longer able to control the anger, the tears flowed down my face.

For a brief few minutes, I didn't give a shit. You know what, I'm pissed. Here's what Pissed looks like. It's not pretty, and sometimes it comes with tears and snot. Piss off.

My manager sat there in shock. He was used to a happier, have-it-all-together, sane person. This was not the person who was in front of him. He did not know quite what to do with me. So, he took me out to lunch. You know, the way a father would take a four year old out for ice cream when she lost a baseball game. Or, get the crazy lady out of the office. Either way, not good. I was so embarrassed by my behavior. I kept apologizing. He told me to stop beating myself up, that it wasn't personal.

I don't know why people don't understand this: It is personal. If we're lucky in today's economic environment, we go to a place of employ, and we spend over a third of our time during the week there. We work hard to enjoy the life we have outside of work. If that hard work is questioned or countered, it equates to a potential altering of our personal lives. So, please - don't tell me it's not personal.

(Yeah. Still pissed off. Can you tell?)

Some days I wish I had the - what's the word? courage? balls? - forethought to collect myself and defend my position, rather than cry or clam up. This applies professionally and personally. Then I think to myself I'd be throwing someone under the proverbial bus if I did so. I wouldn't like myself much if that happened, either. So, the alternative: tears.

One day, I'm going to find my Inner Voice in these situations. Lord help the universe when I do.

Until then, I'm going to be grouchy. And have a cookie. So there.

Private Benjamin with Kettle Bells

It's been a while since I've posted. I've been distracted.

I have a birthday coming up soon, and I think it's time for reinvention. My friend, C, has been talking about her time in a Fitness Boot Camp. It's run by a chiropractor who was also a Marine. (He signs his e-mails with Semper fidelis.) She said it's done wonders for her, and has said to everyone "you should do this!"

Now, I will say this: She is a feisty warrior without the boot camp training. She's up for any challenge.

I've been trying - trying! - to get back to a normal exercise regimen. Manfriend purchased an elliptical, and we were working out three times a week. We were going at a good clip, but we stopped this week (lots of work just knocked both of us out). We plan on returning to our normal schedule this week, but I want to ramp up my exercise routine. The elliptical is awesome for my legs, but I still am experiencing the "chicken wing" arms. I went to a wedding recently for a family friend, G, and she has these killer arms. I am admittedly very envious!

So, I took the plunge, and signed up for an eight-week stint with the local Fitness Boot Camp. I will go through a physical tomorrow to determine if I can go through with the program (I don't see any problems.). The Fitness Boot Camp is three times a week, from 5:30am to 6:30am. Yes, I did say AM. It's also all outside.

When I tell you this will be a challenge, it will be a challenge. I hate the outdoors. Nature doesn't like me much, either. I've had "tree issues:" They've fallen on my house and my fence, and they are costing me a small fortune to remove them.

I really want to do this, so that I know I can do this. Will I be running marathons after this? Um, no. But, at least I will feel like I've attempted multiple avenues to maintain my health and weight.

OORAH! I've enlisted.

Things that shouldn't make me laugh and yet do...

Quick post:

My younger dog is blind; my older dog is deaf. Older dog was asleep on the floor; younger dog was asleep on the couch directly above older dog. Younger dog decided to jump to the floor. Older dog can't hear younger dog jump; younger dog can't see what's below him.

Result: Younger dog scares crap out of older dog; older dog growls at younger dog; younger dog still doesn't know what he did.

LMAO.

Like I said... I know it shouldn't have made me laugh. Yet... *giggle*

I want to go baaaack!

Hello. Long time no blog.

A quick update: I went on a mini-vacation. The kind that didn't involve a hospital bed, and tests, and machines that made loud noises. The kind that included Manfriend, and roses, and wonderful food, and just the two of us away from work and stress. It was heaven.

Oh, yeah - and it was the first time away with Manfriend. It was fantastic. I didn't plan a damn thing. He took care of it all. The place was just perfect for a short-stay getaway. I have to say, I felt very spoiled. The place was delightful. There was a fireplace in the room. Very cozy. I had a massage one day. The breakfasts were phenomenal.

And people, please: they had Ghirardelli hot chocolate and home-made marshmallows. I was ready to move in!

Oh, and there were sheep. They were interesting. I thought sheep made peaceful 'baaaa' sounds. No. They make "MWOOOOAARR" sounds. Scared the crap out of me. Oh, yeah - and they run. FAST.

The last day of our mini getaway, I was determined to take pictures of the sheep. Mostly, they stayed inside their sheep house. We were surprised there was more than one sheep, actually. I walked over to the fence, and started to snap pictures of the four of them in their sheep house. Awww, pretty!

Then, Manfriend says, "Um...do sheep charge?" And I reply, "That's ridicu..."

MWOOOOARRR!

I turn around, and one of the sheep is galloping toward the fence. Galloping!

He stopped at the fence, and then just stared at me. I think it was the shutter click of my camera that had him curious. I said hello. He stared. (I was so tempted to pet him, but really - he was pretty dirty and covered in hay.) Then a second one came out to see what I was, and decidedly uninterested, he went over and had himself a drink of water. The third one, a short, fat, snow white sheep, walked about half way out and stared at me. He looked like a mix between a bull and a sheep. I called him Bullsheep. Yes, I know. It's not original. But to me it was funny.

The fourth one could have cared less and remained in his sheep house.

I'm telling you, I could have holed up at this place (not the sheep house...you know what I mean) for quite some time. I didn't want to leave.

We have to go back, Manfriend. Do you hear me? We have to go baaaaaaack!

South Park Avatar Creations

My last two posts had some customized avatars. I made these through using the tool at South Park Studios.

It's fun and simple. Enjoy. There's a great Cartman t-shirt you can put on your likeness, but I preferred to keep both of the avatars I created relatively 'normal.'

My Lily Tootsabelle Experience!

Ooooo! I finally got up the nerve to hold my niece. And it was AWESOME!

Yes, I know this sounds ridiculous. She's almost six months old. But, I have a thing about babies. They look so fragile as infants. So breakable. And they are also so intuitive. They smell fear. I know that if I had held my niece in previous months, she would have known right away what a hack I am at holding children and would have cried her ever-lovin' head off.

When I entered my parents house and saw my sister holding Miss Lils, I knew I could hold her. She's gotten so big, and is just the cutest baby on the planet. So, my sister placed her in my arms, and she only fussed for a minute (she saw her bottle and wanted it, wanted it, wanted it!), and then I sang "The Wheels on the Bus" song to her. Off key. With made-up lyrics. Because I don't know any kiddie songs. (There. I've said it. I'm a mediocre aunt.)

Miss Lils was a trooper. She waited as patiently as she could for her dinner bottle, and tolerated my singing.

She's so beautiful! She's got these amazing cheeks, and the longest eyelashes. She totally adores my sister, which is so cool to see. And my parents are just eating up being grandparents. Tootsabella lights up a room when she's in it.

I can't wait to see her again!

Happy

Here's what my horoscope said for February 14, 2009:

Today is a great day to surround yourself with the most important people in your life. Don't dwell on all the jewelry and flowers exchanging hands. Instead, admire the gifts in your life -- your sanity, health and sometimes happiness. It'll only get better from here.

The astrology reading rang true today.

I have to say, this is the first Valentine's Day in a very long time where I was truly happy. It's also the first time I've failed miserably in the gift-giving department. I purchased a music box set for Manfriend - and he already had it! D'oh! I know now why it appealed to me when I saw it: he's had it sitting in his living room. As in right in front of me! Durrrr *smacks forehead*

(Well, the good news is at least I know his taste. The better news: I get a shopping challenge!)

Manfriend really made me feel special today. We went grocery shopping; then went to a place called Ray's Diner. We love it there, especially in the back, where it's well-lit, and a little on the intimate side, since there are less tables and booths there. We ate our standard fare, which consists of cheeseburgers (his with bacon and mine with extra pickles) and fries. Since Ray's isn't exactly a yuppie establishment, it's quieter. Which means Manfriend and I can enjoy a very satisfying meal, talk and not feel rushed. It's one of our great pleasures.

He spoiled me today, which was a little overwhelming. At first, I thought he was getting me flowers. Instead, I got a big fluffy red dog stuffed animal, a lovely card (which described our relationship to a 'T'), and a single red rose.

I totally admit, among the things he selected for me, the single rose equates to true romance. There's something beautiful about a single red rose. It's special. It's delicate. It's lovely.

Yeah, he totally made my heart melt.

We went back to his house and enjoyed a slice of Carvel ice cream cake. What Philly girl doesn't enjoy the black and white cake with the chocolate crunch in the center? Mmmm!

He really is such a caring soul. Part of the fun on my road to recovery has been nagging shoulder and neck pain. Since the fast-acting Tylenol did very little tonight, he took care of me to ease my discomfort. He took out this thing you put around your neck. It's cloth with some bean thingies in it. It heats up in the microwave and it smells like lavender. The warmth and the aromatherapy combines to be pure heaven.

He and I chatted away to each other throughout the night, and I thought, "Yeah. One of the best Valentine's Days ever - even if I'm having trouble moving my neck..." I just smiled throughout the night, as did he.

He dropped me off at my house; we kissed goodnight, and then he called me to let me know he had gotten home okay.

Today was a good day. A great day. And I am happy for it!